When people learn that I’m a writer, more than half of them will immediately tell me about how they have an idea for a book, or that they need an editor for their autobiography, or that, though it sounds crazy, they are certain they have this one idea that would be a mega bestseller. Like, one of the biggest books in the world.
I have not known one of them to have published anything — nor are they working on their (supposedly brilliant) bodies of work. They aren’t asking about how to write 5,000+ words a day. They aren’t strategizing their marketing plans, or researching agencies, or pitching queries to publishing houses.
In other cases, writing a few articles a day becomes too much labor, their ideas dry out after a month. They’re frustrated. They’re at odds with themselves. The very thing they love is proving to be a wrong fit. How can this be?
We’re doing people an incredible disservice by telling them they should seek, and pursue, what they love. People usually can’t differentiate what they really love and what they love the idea of.
But more importantly, you are not meant to do what you love. You are meant to do what you’re skilled at. Imagine an aspiring doctor with a low IQ but a lot of “passion.” They wouldn’t make it through medical school, and you wouldn’t want them to.
If that person didn’t know better, they’d spend the better part of their life bitter and assuming themselves to be failures. They didn’t get to do what they thought they loved, so they haven’t actualized their lives as they were supposed to.
Navigating Loss: Transforming Grief into Compassion at Silverline Engineering
Part 1: The Cold Corporate Approach
On a somber Monday morning that started like any other, the employees at Silverline Engineering were met with a chilling email from upper management. The subject line read: “Sad News.” The body of the email was equally devoid of warmth:
“We regret to inform you that our colleague, John, passed away over the weekend. Funeral arrangements are being made by his family. A GoFundMe platform will be started internally for those who wish to donate. Additionally, for those needing support, please remember that our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) is available. Please join us in extending our condolences. Regards, Management.”
This news was devastating for the Coleman Bridge project team. John was more than just a colleague; he was a mentor, a friend, and the heart of their team. His death struck like a bolt from the blue, yet the corporate machine didn’t miss a beat. By the next day, John’s position was posted for a quick replacement, and the team was expected to resume their duties after a brief, obligatory moment of silence. Bereavement leave was capped at a mere three days, with no additional support beyond the generic EAP mention.
Despite their grief, the team was expected to meet unaltered project deadlines. Project leadership made no efforts to adjust deadlines or seek extensions from the key client, the City of Norridge. Sarah, John’s close friend and confidante, frequently broke down, and her productivity plummeted. Others struggled silently, their morale sinking. The lack of empathy and support from management fostered an environment of stress and isolation.
The project leader, David, maintained a distanced and pragmatic stance. “We need to keep moving forward,” he declared in a meeting. “John’s gone, but the project deadlines remain. We can’t afford delays.”
This approach created a cauldron of tension within the team. Mark, another team member, confronted David, “Do you even care about how we’re feeling? John wasn’t just a cog in the machine. You didn’t skip a beat posting a requisition for his replacement.”
David’s response was curt, “We all have to cope in our own ways, but the work needs to get done. Please, let’s stay professional.”
As the weeks passed and deadlines loomed, the cracks widened. The team had no real outlet for their grief. Tensions mounted, errors increased, and the once-cohesive team felt fragmented. The arrival of John’s replacement only added to the strain. It was hard for the team, especially Sarah, to embrace the new hire, who felt the chill of their unresolved grief.
The situation reached a tipping point when the new hire abruptly resigned without notice, and Sarah collapsed at her desk from sheer exhaustion and emotional strain. Her breakdown and the sudden resignation were stark reminders of the team’s unresolved grief and the unrealistic pressures they were under.
Part 2: The Eye-Opening Summit
To address the growing issues, Silverline Engineering organized a summit bringing together team members, managers, and HR representatives. The summit became an emotional catharsis as many shared their experiences and the profound impact of John’s death. They spoke of the impersonal handling of the news, the unrealistic expectations, and the lack of emotional support. It was clear that the corporate approach had failed them.
Sarah, tears streaming down her face, voiced her feelings, “I couldn’t function properly. I needed more than three days to process John’s death, but all I got was pressure to meet deadlines.”
Mark, his voice tinged with frustration, added, “David, your response felt cold. We needed leadership that understood our pain, not just someone to push us harder. John died very suddenly, and you handled the situation like nothing really happened or changed. You posted a requisition for his replacement within a day! His body was still in the morgue. Did you think that was okay?”
Initially defensive, David explained, “I thought that keeping everyone focused on work would serve as a distraction from the grief. I believed it would help us cope by maintaining a sense of normalcy.”
HR facilitated the discussion, “David, can you see how your approach might have added to their stress?”
David paused, his face softening, then sighed, “I see it now. I was focused on the project, not the people. Look, guys, I’m not good at handling grief or highly emotional situations. Honestly, when John died, I thought the best thing to do was to carry on and encourage the team to do the same. In reality, I was barely holding on myself. I also felt pressure from management to keep the project moving. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how much you all were hurting.”
Taking a deep breath, David then posed a critical question to the team, “Okay, team, now that we’re here, let’s think this through. What would you have liked to see? What could management or I have done better?”
Part 3: The Development of the Human-Centered Approach
The room fell silent for a moment as everyone pondered David’s question. Then, one by one, they began to speak up.
Sarah started, “I think we need to be informed about such devastating news in person, not through a cold email. It would have made a difference to hear it from a leader who could offer immediate support.”
Mark nodded, adding, “And we need more time to grieve. Three days is hardly enough to process such a loss, especially when the person was so integral to our team. We should have extended bereavement leave and access to grief counseling.”
Another team member, Aisha, said, “Project deadlines should be flexible in such situations. We were expected to perform at our usual levels despite being emotionally shattered. There should be a way to adjust deadlines and redistribute work.”
Carlos, usually quiet, shared his thoughts, “When John’s replacement was hired so quickly, it felt like his memory was being erased. We need a more sensitive approach to replacing team members who’ve passed away and more support for integrating new hires into a grieving team.”
David listened intently, jotting down notes. “These are good points,” he acknowledged. “What else?”
Lila, a junior member, suggested, “We should have regular check-ins and ongoing emotional support. Grief doesn’t just go away after a few days or weeks. And managers should be trained to handle these conversations with empathy.”
Tom, who had been with the company for over a decade, added, “We need rituals or ways to honor the deceased. Maybe a memory wall or a memorial service. Something that acknowledges their contributions and gives us a chance to remember them.”
HR representative Claire said, “Cultural sensitivity and understanding that grief is a long-term process are crucial. We need to foster an environment where team members feel supported to express their emotions openly.”
David looked around the room, feeling a sense of unity forming. “These are all valuable suggestions. Let’s compile these ideas and create a Human-Centered Approach. Here’s what we’ve discussed so far, and feel free to add if I’ve missed anything.”
With the input from everyone, they outlined several key elements:
1. Initial Announcement: Future announcements about a colleague’s death would be made in a supportive, in-person meeting led by a team leader, allowing the team to process the news together and provide immediate emotional support.
2. Immediate Actions and Support: The company would offer extended and flexible bereavement leave to the team members, immediate access to grief counseling, and create an environment where expressions of grief were encouraged and supported.
3. Handling Project Deadlines: Project timelines would be adjusted in consultation with clients, redistributing workloads to ensure those directly affected by the loss could take the necessary time to grieve without added stress.
4. Job Posting for Replacement: The replacement of the deceased colleague would be handled with utmost sensitivity and care, with ample support from HR and management to integrate the new member into the team, providing ongoing emotional support and transparency.
5. Ongoing Emotional Support: Regular check-ins and ongoing access to support groups or counseling would be implemented. Managers would receive empathy training to handle grief-related conversations better and support their teams effectively.
6. Cultural Sensitivity and Rituals: The company would honor the deceased through meaningful rituals, such as memory walls, shared stories, and memorial services, celebrating the individual’s life and contributions.
7. Long-Term Impact on Team Dynamics: Recognizing that grief is a long-term process, the company would foster a cohesive team environment with strong interpersonal relationships, promoting visible engagement and mutual support.
8. Communication and Compassion: Open conversations about grief would be encouraged, and managers and colleagues would be trained to handle these discussions with empathy and understanding.
9. Balancing Client Expectations: Transparent communication with clients about the situation would be prioritized, seeking their understanding and flexibility regarding deadlines and deliverables.
Part 4: A Year and a Half Later
Tragically, another beloved colleague, Lisa, passed away unexpectedly. This time, the company was prepared. The news was delivered in a heartfelt meeting led by the team leader, Mark. Tears were shed, and memories of Lisa were shared, creating an immediate sense of communal support.
The company granted extended bereavement leave to the project team members and provided immediate access to grief counselling through the Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Project deadlines were adjusted, and workloads were redistributed, allowing those closest to Lisa the space they needed to grieve. Regular check-ins and ongoing emotional support became the norm.
The company organized a beautiful memorial service, where colleagues shared stories about Lisa’s impact on their lives and work. This ritual helped the team find closure and honour Lisa’s memory.
The difference in the team’s response was palpable. They felt they had an outlet to process their grief and loss, which fostered a stronger sense of unity and resilience. The project continued with a renewed sense of purpose, honouring Lisa’s memory. Productivity eventually surpassed previous levels.
Clients were kept informed about the situation and responded with understanding and flexibility. The transparent communication reinforced trust and respect, showcasing how the team managed the project with care and respect for the grieving process.
The transformation from a cold corporate approach to a human-centric one highlighted the profound impact of empathy and support in the workplace. The team at Silverline Engineering emerged stronger, more cohesive, and more resilient, exemplifying the true essence of humanity in the face of loss.
The requisition for Lisa’s replacement was not posted until a month later, giving the team time to come to terms with the need for a new member. HR and Mark hosted a check-in with the team as an offer was extended to the replacement hire, allowing the team to express their thoughts and concerns. When the new hire, Alex, started, Mark organized a team-bonding activity to welcome them, giving all team members a chance to get to know the new person.
This comprehensive and compassionate approach, integrating the EAP for ongoing support, ensured that the team could grieve properly, support one another, and maintain their productivity and morale in a healthy and sustainable way.